How the Dems can win in '08: Step Two

It's time for the Dems to figure out how to deal with abortion.

The question to ask is a simple one: What do those in favor of keeping abortions legal and those who are against the practice have in common?

Seriously. They have more in common with each other than not.

The answer?

Both sides would like to see the abortion rate get as close to zero as possible. Rather than avoid the issue, Dems should be pledging to reduce the number of abortions while keeping in place the much-needed protections for women.

Dems should speak more about keeping abortion legal when the mother's life is endangered. Dems should emphasize that it is between a woman and God to decide if it morally wrong to terminate a pregnancy that is the result of rape or incest - not the government. And then there should be an immediate follow up question: What sort of prison term does the abortion opponent want to give a woman who chooses to have an abortion after being raped?

I would like someone to ask Palin that question.

And then maybe ask her why the State of Alaska had to pass a special law because Wasilla, when Sarah was mayor and had consented to policy, charged rape victims for the medical kit that is used to collect evidence. Wasilla was the ONLY place in Alaska that had such a practice and despite calls from the state to change this policy that made victims of victims refused to do so. Read the ADN article.

Maybe the Dems should talk about R v W being about privacy. The government has no business asking a woman why she is having an abortion.

The Dems should actively dissuade women from using abortion as birth control. They should appeal to parents and church groups to counsel young folks to abstain, but if people choose to have sex, as they have done since Adam and Eve, to do so responsibly.

What the Heck!??!

If there ever was year for the Democrats to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory, 2008 is ripe fruit to leave rotting on the vine.

Look at the set up:

Republiscams have controlled congress for all but about 2 years since 1994 and have controlled the White House for 20 of the last 28 years. They have run up huge deficits, led us into a disgraceful war of choice in Iraq, have tarnished the good name of America by allowing for torture, have had far more corruption and sex-related scandals than the Dems, the economy is in the bowl thanks to their deregulation policies, health care is out of reach for millions of hard-working Americans, the top 2% of the country has become incredibly wealthy while the rest of us have not experienced any real financial growth since the Clinton years. They have mismanaged FEMA and have industry flunkies running agencies that are suppose to look out for the public, squelched science, relaxed rules protecting air and water quality, illegally hired civil servants based on political affiliation...I will stop now but you know the list can take up pages. I think you get the idea - they have been the party in power and the problems we are now facing are mostly of their doing.

And for some reason, the presidential race is dead even? What the heck!??!

Big Bad John vs Desperate Dave: Borough Mayor

Hope that some of you caught the KDLL segment featuring the two candidates for bourough mayor. Agree or not with Williams and his policies and methods, he did come across at least with more than a basic understanding of the complexities of running government services.

Carey, as you might expect if you've ever had a 5 minute conversation with him, is completely clueless and relies on wrapping the flag around the issues and defaulting to honoring our veterans. And to think he taught government and civics for years. For some reason, painting fire hydrants red, white and blue is high on his agenda. Dave, dogs here in SOLdotna like to pee on those things - so do some of my friends. That's a time-honored function of fire hydrants!

I sort of like that Williams stands up to A.C.T. Personally, I don't like some North Road idiots setting borough and SOLdotna policy. We can get ourselves in deep shit here without your help!

10 things that don't Suck in Soldotna (revised)

1)Tsalteshi Trails - world class x-country skiing.
2)Kaladi Bros - the fix is on...and now remodeled!
3)Triumvirate Theater
4)River City Books
5)M. Scott Moon - the photographer for the Clarion. Damn, his picts are good - and it's about the only reason to buy the rag. How come you're still in THIS town?!?
6)KDLL (well it's not broadcast from SOLdotna. but the reception here isn't bad if you wear some tinfoil on your head)
7)The Kenai River Brewery (behind Frosos) Get a Growler or two and say hello to Inebriata
8)St. Elias Brewpub - good eats and food, but how about some noise absorbing tiles?
9)You can get there (ski, bike, climb, hike, kayak) from here.
10) Sarah Palin is not the mayor!

How the Dems can win in '08: Step One

Sarah Palin as Veep?

Part of the reason we're SOL in Soldotna is that Palin is a PAIN in Alaska!

This should be the best news for the Democrats - but the party that loves to lose can't seem to figure out how to respond to the shot in the rear her selection as #2 has given to McCain and the Republicans.

Well, you don't go after her directly, you go after her by questioning the wisdom, judgment (and sanity) of McCain. These are the themes Obama used so eloquently at the Democratic convention last month. Don't even mention her name when you go after McCain's decision to select her as his veep.

For example, the selection of the Alaskan quarter, global warming, and the polar bear being listed as threatened species is ripe for slamming the Republiscams.

Simply have Barack, Joe or some responsible Dem spokesperson hold up 2 quarters - the brown bear that was selected and the polar bear that wasn't and say something like this:

"Alaska recently selected the brown bear as the its state's quarter - a nice design, but the brown bear is hardly unique to Alaska. The governor did not choose the polar bear despite the fact that Alaska is the only state where this magnificent animal lives. Well, there's republican politics at play with this decision.

"We've just endured eight years of the Bush administration ignoring and circumventing sound science. Now John McCain has selected someone as his vice presidential candidate who operates in the same fashion. Despite overwhelming scientific research supporting listing the polar bear as a threatened species, the State of Alaska, under the administration of the Republican vice-presidential candidate has sued the federal government citing that there was no evidence to support the claim. (You can read her OpEd piece in the NYTimes here) She wrote "My decision is based on a comprehensive review by state wildlife officials of scientific information from a broad range of climate, ice and polar bear experts."

"Yet, the governor has in fact chosen to ignore the findings of her own scientists - she want as far as to suppress their findings and kept this information from seeing the light of day (Read the ADN article). Alaskan scientists just happen to agree with the Department of the Interior's scientists - the polar bear is indeed threatened.

"Republicans like to argue that any finding that doesn't fit with their agenda is 'junk', but the truth is that they toss any valid research that contradicts their extreme positions into the junk pile.

"Do we really want four more years of Republicans hiding the truth from the American people?

"John McCain's straight talk express is just straight away from the truth."

Want to RIP in SOLdotna? - Well, You're SOL!

When my time is up, I want to be sent off viking-style. Load my carcass on a raft made up of beetle-kill, torch it up, and launch it out in the inlet. I want my friends to have a drink or two as the flames do their thing.

Those who live in SOLdotna who may want a more traditional burial are really SOL as this town does not have a cemetery. The city has had the opportunity to locate one in a 10 acre parcel off of West Redoubt near Redoubt Elementary, but a local subdivision organization, led by Gary Turner, the director of Kenai Peninsula College, has put the kabosh on that for now. Gary's arguments are really lame and self-serving. You would think a college director would be able to offer more than the transparent reasons he has given. Check it out his opinion piece in the PC.

Clark Fair, a teacher at Skyview HS and a long-time SOLdotna resident, offered this reply to Turner.

I'll have an update soon as the SOLdotna City council met yesterday to re-visit this grave issue.

Revoking Your Right to Vote for the Candidate of Your Choice

Don't people think for more than 5 minutes about the implications of decisions they make ?

Yesterday voters on the Kenai approved term limits - well that seems all well and good. Let's get someone with a fresh perspective on the borough assembly and the school board. What could be wrong with that?

Pete Sprague won yesterday's Borough Assembly election with over 65% of the vote - a clear mandate. We SOLdotnans like Pete. He brings some level-headed decision-making to the office as he thoroughly researches issues and avoids partisan politics. He's help bring some semblance of sanity to the political arena. Citizens of Soldotna also rejected the term-limit referendum, but unfortunately, that issue passed in the borough. So it looks like Pete can't hold office.

Wait a minute. Is that Freedom on the march? The voters clearly indicated that we wanted Pete, and in SOLdotna, we even voted against term limits.

If you like your dentist or doctor and that person is competent, do you change who you see every few years?

But the rest of the borough, by approving term limits, tells us, tough, you can't have the person you want on the assembly.

That's freedom marching down the shit hole!

Apparently now, the assembly, without a SOLdotna representative, gets to pick who will represent SOLdotna.

Need any more proof that you're shit outta luck here?

Just Mucking Around

What is it about some Alaskans - while we are not too far removed from pioneer days (and certainly there are still those places around here that don't resemble suburban America), we've become the biggest whiners in the world.

Take the roads here on the Kenai Peninsula. More than a few developers here have put in subdivisions that have roads that don't meet borough, state, or federal standards. By cutting in these substandard roads, they can sell the lots on the cheap. Come break-up, the roads become quagmires of bus-swallowing mud pits.

People who buy property in these subdivisions either know what they were getting into, or are just plain dumb. It doesn't really matter as most of them start calling Sound Off and/or complain that the borough should come in and upgrade their roads for free. Oh, yeah, these are the same folks who complain that their property taxes (the lowest in the nation) are too high.

Read the ADN's article from April 22

So, the article quotes Jerry Remington who wonders why the borough doesn't fix his road - after all, he claims to pay $90 a year in highway taxes.

Dude, how much road will $90 pave?!? Ummm...maybe about a half a foot. So, what you are really asking is that the rest of us subsidize your property purchase by paying for your road to be improved? When you sell it, do we get a return on our investment?

Oh, and Jerry, are you over 65? If so, you don't pay a dime of property taxes - so what's this BS about road taxes!?!. Maybe you hang out at Chilkoot Charlie's in Anchorage where the motto is: We cheat the other guys and pass the savings on to you!

And why do those who profess to be independent and anti-government and all of that seem to have the biggest sense of entitlement?

Hey, don't you know that you're SOL in SOLdotna?

Support our Signs!

Mayor Dave recently put the kabash on the new sign ordinance the SOLdotna city council recently passed. The bill would have tried to reduce the size and location of the Wasilla-like clutter of signs that let us all know that we are indeed SOL because we live here.

Several local businesses complained that to change their signs and make them a bit more esthetically pleasing would cost too much. And besides, who cares if SOLdotna is one of the ugliest cities in Alaska. As long as there is money to be made, why should they care what the place looks like?

Read the PC Story

A Republican in Heaven

Eternal life is having a personal relationship with Jesus Christ now and forever more in heaven. Can you imagine walking and talking with the creator of all things in one of heaven’s gardens?

The quote above is from a letter that the PC published this past Friday from Don Szepanski from SOLdotna. Although it challenged the reader to imagine what heaven is like. I took it a bit further, and tried to imagine how someone from the religious right might actually react if heaven is a bit like Mr Szepanski portrays.

So – here’s a conversation with JC and a newly-dead Radical Righter (or Rich Republican).

JC: Welcome to one of heaven’s gardens. Each one is an Eden in its own right. Even the beer garden.

RR: Beer ?!? – alcohol is a sin!

JC: Only if it’s made from rice. Don’t worry, you don’t have to have any if you don’t want – free choice here. So, you’re from Alaska. I’ve named one of my gardens after your ANWR, after all it’s one of the last of my favorite creations that you humans have left untouched. Pity.

RR: Good Lord, are you a Greenie?!?

JC: We’re rather fond of our creations.

RR: But we need oil…

JC: For what? Most all of you have two perfectly good legs. If people need to go on a diet, you don’t open another candy store.

RR: But our economy?

JC: It seems that the accumulation of wealth has been a major source of evil on earth. No worries – there are no rich or poor here in heaven…

RR: …only born-again Christians.

JC: Well, actually, we are non-denominational here. You should see the look on the faces of the atheists when I welcome them…they are so pleasantly surprised. I like that.

RR: But the Bible says…

JC: It’s just one of many books and stories that people wrote in order to understand things they couldn’t figure out. I tried to set the record a bit straighter when we offered up the New Testament. Have but one God and Love your neighbor. That’s really what it is all about. Everything else – every edict and every catechism from every religion is the work of man.

RR: I’m not hearing this…

JC: Well, you do want a personal relationship, don’t you? Ah, an eternity of peace, love, equality, and natural beauty. Paradise!

Those Darn Letters

We're all SOL in SOLdotna - and those who are deepest in it are often repeat Letter to the Editor writers. You can't fix stupid, but you can laugh at 'em!

Mr. and Mrs. Keller. Avid Letter to the Editor contributors to the PC, Mr. Keller has threatened to move because SOLdotna and the Kenai Borough are taxing him to death (we pay some of the lowest property taxes in the nation). He recently ranted about a tax the city of SOLdotna has been unjustly charging him. It seems Keller has a SOLdotna address, but actually lives just out of town (and downriver from the wastewater treatment plant) – and so shouldn’t be billed a 34 cents a month phone tariff. Dude, your $350,000 property is downriver from the sewage that SOLdotna dumps in the Kenai everyday – maybe you should tell them to keep the pocket change and give all of that shit the deluxe treatment.
Not to be outdone, Mrs K's most recent letter let SOLdotna know that unless you back W 100%, you couldn't possibly support our troops. Uh??...Hello, Mrs K - wake up and smell the shite! When we eventually pull our troops out - the government in Iraq will look just like it does today. The USA will be hundreds of billions of dollars poorer, a new generation of jihadists will be well-trained and motivated, and many more of our best, bravest, and most dedicated young men and women will have their lives obliterated or devastated. Support our Troops - bring 'em home!

10 Things that don't Suck in SOLdotna

1)Tsalteshi Trails - world class x-country skiing. And the trail reports are literary gems - Go Fermi! check out a recent post:
'Twas brillig, then the slithy 4-Wheelers
did gyre and gimble in the wabe;" 'Beware the Jabberwock my son!
The wheels that bite, the claws that catch!
Beware the Susuki bird, and shun
The frumious Bandersnatch!"...........
The wolfmoosebearrabbitlynxcoyoteravenbeaver trails were rolled out yesterday. Everything was brillig...then two 4-wheelers:
"Came whiffling through the tulgey wood,
And burbled as they came!"
'One, two! One, two! and through and through
Their vorpal wheels went snicker-snack"
The loops had to be re-groomed, and the frumious tracks were removed......"O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!"....The skiing should be good today. unless, of course the manxome foe came galumphing back again last night.

2)Kaladi Bros - the fix is on...but make that joe a bit hotter if you would please
3)World Music for the Kenai (thanks, Mike!)
4)River City Books
5)M. Scott Moon - the photographer for the Clarion. Damn, his picts are good - and it's about the only reason to buy the rag. How come you're still in THIS town?!?
6)KDLL (well it's not broadcasted from SOLdotna. but the reception here isn't bad if you wear some tinfoil on your head)
7)The Kenai River Brewery opened this summer (behind Frosos) Get a Growler or two...
8)You can get there (ski, bike, climb, hike, kayak) from here.
9)Well, OK - I had to stretch a bit to even include the last two items, but I am a bit of a PollyAnna. The truth is that there aren't 10 things that don't suck about SOLdotna - that's why you're SOL here!

The Jeff Webster "Wet Bucket Brigade" Award Nominations

SOLdotna's most famous citizen is the river guide, Jeff Webster. Jeff won the Jefferson Muzzle Award in 2004 when he twice doused an 82 year-old woman in sub-freezing temperature at the "Y" in SOLdotna. The lady was protesting the US invasion of Iraq. Big Bad Jeff had the audacity to film his stunt the second time around and post it on the 'net. The JWWBBA: Throwing Cold Water on Freedom of Speech since 2003

Anyway, in honor of Mr. Webster's ignominious behavior, the following central peninsula residents are nominated for their undaunted sense of self-righteousness, undeniable idiocy, and absence of extrapolating a thought much beyond its inception.

And the nominees are:
1)The Peninsula Clarion. To be Fair and Balanced, this paper simply doesn't have any balls. Northern Dynasty couldn't have bought a fluffier examination of the Pebble Mine. Simultaneously, the NYTimes ran an in-depth look at the world-wide economic, social, and environmental damages caused by gold mining. Guess we don't need to know any of that stuff. And the cheerleading continues - just yesterday, the PC ran another front page info-mercial from ND: "Yep, there's big gold out in them thar hills". They are playing us with a treble hook and a quick jerk; hoping to snag us like a spawned humpie. Let's ask some tough questions!...And how about some real local news like where did all that AWG $ go? What sort of deal is MallWart getting? I have to admit that the headline the other day 'SOLdotna Cemetery Not Dead Yet' was clever - but how come you guys can't figure out why the borough and the city of SOLdotna are at odds?

2) Bill 'Dozer' Popp. Big Bill really isn't a bad guy - but has there ever been a development that he questions? Private Prisons, Pig Farms, Big Box stores, Pebble Mine, and all of the refineries, platforms, and wells we can construct are just what we need to transform the Kenai into Texas. Bill is now Borough Mayor William's primary "Yes Man" (In addition to being on the government dole as a paid lobbyist to the oil and gas industry? Hmmm, doesn't big industry usually hire lobbyists to kiss up to government and not the other way around!?!?)

3)KPBSD Central Orifice Administration. The whole gang of 'em. Those who can do, those who can't, teach. Those who can't teach become principals. Those who aren't principled become Central Office administrators! Oh, employees aren't allowed to say 'central office' anymore. End of discussion. Lead by bullying and stifling different point of views. After all, it's the SOLdotna way of life!

Ways to be a real SOLdotnan

Let's face it - you've never fit in anywhere, but you've never lived in a place quite like SOLdotna. Here are some tips to successfully blend in with your neighbors.

1) Leave your pickup or SUV running from October until May. Osama LOVES you!
2) The akimbo'd BBC (backward baseball cap) is ubiquitous. Mullets and aviator glasses are ALWAYS in fashion (for men AND women!). 5 extra points for a Calvin pissing decal on your PU/SUV. Of course, that's also a minus 10 from a 100 IQ.
3) Put a W decal on your ride...right next to your Support our Troops ribbons.
4) Ignore the fact that 20 cents of every dollar that you pump into all of your tanks goes to the middle east - and who knows how much of that goes to buying those IEDs and funding the insurgents. Whose troops are you supporting? How come no one gets this? See #1.
5) Rant and Rave on Sound-Off about your road not being plowed, paved, or patrolled - and then vote to cut taxes.
6) Assert your freedom from big government as you apply for your PFD.
7) Vote Republican and take the Chilkoot Charlie pledge: We cheat the other guy and pass the savings on to you.
8) Elect two Republican senators, one republican congressman, a GOP governor, and a republican controlled legislature. Blame all problems on Democrats and environmentalists.
9) Own at least 2 snowmachines and an ATV. Put a Support Our Troops decal on them. See #4.
10) Build another subdivison - and complain about how crowded it is on the Kenai River during king and red season.
11) Strip malls and car lots - can't get enough!
12) WalMart. Well, it'll be in Kenai, but you'll love the prices. Who cares about asian sweat shops, the trade deficit, paving 10 acres for a parking lot, and the family businesses that'll be shut down.
13) Your idea of non-motorized sport is bowling. Wait a minute...what about the little ball rolly-uppy thingy?
14) Pebble Mine. It's not our salmon! Jewelry is much more important than one of the most spectacular ecosystems and salmon spawning grounds in AK. Vanity, thy name is SOLdotna.
15) I'm not out of tips, just outta time!