Sunday, January 22, 2006

Ways to be a real SOLdotnan

Let's face it - you've never fit in anywhere, but you've never lived in a place quite like SOLdotna. Here are some tips to successfully blend in with your neighbors.

1) Leave your pickup or SUV running from October until May. Osama LOVES you!
2) The akimbo'd BBC (backward baseball cap) is ubiquitous. Mullets and aviator glasses are ALWAYS in fashion (for men AND women!). 5 extra points for a Calvin pissing decal on your PU/SUV. Of course, that's also a minus 10 from a 100 IQ.
3) Put a W decal on your ride...right next to your Support our Troops ribbons.
4) Ignore the fact that 20 cents of every dollar that you pump into all of your tanks goes to the middle east - and who knows how much of that goes to buying those IEDs and funding the insurgents. Whose troops are you supporting? How come no one gets this? See #1.
5) Rant and Rave on Sound-Off about your road not being plowed, paved, or patrolled - and then vote to cut taxes.
6) Assert your freedom from big government as you apply for your PFD.
7) Vote Republican and take the Chilkoot Charlie pledge: We cheat the other guy and pass the savings on to you.
8) Elect two Republican senators, one republican congressman, a GOP governor, and a republican controlled legislature. Blame all problems on Democrats and environmentalists.
9) Own at least 2 snowmachines and an ATV. Put a Support Our Troops decal on them. See #4.
10) Build another subdivison - and complain about how crowded it is on the Kenai River during king and red season.
11) Strip malls and car lots - can't get enough!
12) WalMart. Well, it'll be in Kenai, but you'll love the prices. Who cares about asian sweat shops, the trade deficit, paving 10 acres for a parking lot, and the family businesses that'll be shut down.
13) Your idea of non-motorized sport is bowling. Wait a minute...what about the little ball rolly-uppy thingy?
14) Pebble Mine. It's not our salmon! Jewelry is much more important than one of the most spectacular ecosystems and salmon spawning grounds in AK. Vanity, thy name is SOLdotna.
15) I'm not out of tips, just outta time!


Anonymous said...

There's always the hope it will become SOLDotna - and perhaps the purchaser will have the sense to raze the damned place and start over. Or better: raze the whole damned place and DON'T start over!

Anonymous said...

Maybe it's SOLDotna because most people here have "sold out"???

Anonymous said...

Or sold their souls to the development industry, making the rest of us SOL?

Anonymous said...

If it is so bad here...why do you stay?

Souldotna said...

I would think about leaving, but the warden at wildwood has a problem with that.

Just joking.

I believe in standing in the place where you live. If you see a wrong, you try to right it. Part of that process is to identify the problem.

I hope that this blog does just that. I'd like to think that the blog has brought a problem or two to light and that there then was some movement to rectify the situation.

So, do you believe in running away from a problem?


Anonymous Bosch said...

Stand in the place where you live,
Now face North Think about direction Wonder why you haven't before.

So what the hell do we do now that you've identified .99% of the problemo? More trees, condescending stares, buckets of WARM water on dirty folk? Let us know, where ready to act.

How long have you been here by the by?

Souldotna said...

Hi AB,

Props to you for knowing the REM song I paraphrased.

This post was written over 4 years ago...don't know how much has really changed since then. Maybe it is time for an update though.

Did I identify less than 1% of the problem? Ouch!

Do you know the quote from the old comic strip Pogo?
"We have met the enemy and he is us"

I practice what I preach: consume less, walk or bike whenever I can, put some time and energy into changes that sustain.

What IS so funny about peace, love and understanding?

Trees are better than pavement, please, no water on anyone who doesn't want it(think Jeff Webster), and i think we need to stand up against those who promote hate, destruction and greed.

How long have I been here? Long enough to remember when the only traffic light on the entire peninsula was on Main St and the Spur in Kenai.

Large Visitor Globe