Sunday, April 08, 2007

A Republican in Heaven

Eternal life is having a personal relationship with Jesus Christ now and forever more in heaven. Can you imagine walking and talking with the creator of all things in one of heaven’s gardens?

The quote above is from a letter that the PC published this past Friday from Don Szepanski from SOLdotna. Although it challenged the reader to imagine what heaven is like. I took it a bit further, and tried to imagine how someone from the religious right might actually react if heaven is a bit like Mr Szepanski portrays.

So – here’s a conversation with JC and a newly-dead Radical Righter (or Rich Republican).

JC: Welcome to one of heaven’s gardens. Each one is an Eden in its own right. Even the beer garden.

RR: Beer ?!? – alcohol is a sin!

JC: Only if it’s made from rice. Don’t worry, you don’t have to have any if you don’t want – free choice here. So, you’re from Alaska. I’ve named one of my gardens after your ANWR, after all it’s one of the last of my favorite creations that you humans have left untouched. Pity.

RR: Good Lord, are you a Greenie?!?

JC: We’re rather fond of our creations.

RR: But we need oil…

JC: For what? Most all of you have two perfectly good legs. If people need to go on a diet, you don’t open another candy store.

RR: But our economy?

JC: It seems that the accumulation of wealth has been a major source of evil on earth. No worries – there are no rich or poor here in heaven…

RR: …only born-again Christians.

JC: Well, actually, we are non-denominational here. You should see the look on the faces of the atheists when I welcome them…they are so pleasantly surprised. I like that.

RR: But the Bible says…

JC: It’s just one of many books and stories that people wrote in order to understand things they couldn’t figure out. I tried to set the record a bit straighter when we offered up the New Testament. Have but one God and Love your neighbor. That’s really what it is all about. Everything else – every edict and every catechism from every religion is the work of man.

RR: I’m not hearing this…

JC: Well, you do want a personal relationship, don’t you? Ah, an eternity of peace, love, equality, and natural beauty. Paradise!

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